The Night Shift has never really gone “smoothly,” per se, since our company’s inception. However, three years after K.Lo’s hire, we have something of an established, functional routine. K.Lo now, as always, has found a new way to shake things up over the past weeks by requesting in polite (and certainly not-so-polite) ways that the Manager, rather than CEO, take over her Night Shift training.

The CEO, of course, is happy to trade duties, as N.Lo is a model employee at night. Put him in his uniform, brush teeth, lay him down with the all-important blankie, turn out the lights and shut the door. Done. Then he works through the night, typically without interruptions, and occasionally until absurd hours of the morning. Today, for instance, he broke all kinds of company records by sleeping until 11:45 AM. He’s devoted to his work, that N.Lo, what can I say. (Please note, I did check a few times to make sure he was still breathing. Sixteen+ hours of sleep?! It was making me nervous.)

Meanwhile, I’ve taken over a good bit of the Night Shift training with K.Lo. This task had previously been allocated to the CEO, mainly because at the end of long, long Day Shift, if I heard one more tiny whisper of a whine, I would go insane. But, as K.Lo’s Night Shift (and even Day Shift)performance has improved, the job at hand doesn’t seem quite as big a deal. In fact, dare I say it’s almost… relaxing. So long as K.Lo is feeling cooperative and not attempting to bait me (very key conditions here), I have an opportunity to sit in the employee’s cubicle with her, lights out, noise machine on, and read. Reading! It’s a nice thing for a Manager to be able to do every now and then, even (especially?) in a forced context. And, sitting in the dark while a (hopefully) quiet employee settles down after the work day is a good opportunity for Management to unwind as well.

I’m beginning to see why the CEO hasn’t complained too much about the job in the past. When it’s gone well, anyway.

*FOLLOWING MORNING UPDATE: Of course, the second I post anything remotely praiseworthy about employee Night Shift performance, it is jinxed. Most *exasperating* night with K.Lo, EVER. Am calling in Tired and Annoyed today. Something tells me this excuse will not fly with the staff, but I’m going to try anyway.

Here at the office, K.Lo is quite a chatterbox. I, on the other hand, am not. I have in the past felt compelled to dialogue with the employee whenever invited, out of some sense of Managerial Duty; however, I have recently begun rethinking this strategy. I seem, actually, to get into more trouble at times when I keep the conversation going. For instance, not every negative can be turned into a positive with an un-distractible child, and sometimes the answer to, “I WANT TO PLAY MARIO KART WII” first thing in the morning is simply, “NO.” And saying that “NO” can lead us to our Dark Place on an otherwise pleasant morning.

Sometimes, it works better with K.Lo to just let her run. Let her chatter on until the request runs its course, intervening to combat the Four Alarm Emergency Voice (FAEV) where needed, but mainly just, dare I say it, I-G-N-O-R-I-N-G the verbal antics of the small employee.

Sometimes, she just wants to talk, and doesn’t necessarily need a response. When she acts out Scenes from the Outsourcer, for instance, K.Lo seems to appreciate an “Oh yeah?” or a “Really?” thrown in here and there from Management, but much more than that interrupts her groove. Sometimes, she even gets mad about it.

Communication with employees is a constant, ever-changing series of negotiations; who knew that Less is sometimes More?

Managers, please be advised that if there are loopholes in your Employee Code of Conduct (ECC) stipulations, and/or your negotiation tactics, your employees are likely to find and exploit them.

For instance, in a bargain recently struck in our company between K.Lo and Management, the employee was required to “eat [her] sandwich first, and then be rewarded with a piece of chocolate.” The piece of chocolate in question was a high-value bargaining chip, as it was bunny-shaped. K.Lo, however, found her loophole in the established deal. While The Manager and CEO spoke via teleconference during Lunch Hour, K.Lo proceeded to bite off small pieces of the sandwich and drop them from her mouth onto the floor, where of course they were quickly snatched up by the Canine Staff. When advised that she was way off track in fulfilling her end of the agreement, the employee simply sped up the sandwich distribution process by dropping large sandwich pieces onto the floor for the CS.

The Manager was not amused.

The employee, however, was very amused.

As always, employees and their craftiness require constant vigilance.

With two-year employees, sometimes it is in the Manager's best interest to let them make some key decisions, however questionable, about how they will spend their work day.

Today's negotiation: work uniforms.

The Manager stipulates that the employee will wear: a shirt, a pair of pants, and a pair of socks, so as not to freeze.

K.Lo chooses: colors that surprisingly coordinate, with the added option of a winter hat.

N.Lo takes notes.

The Manager determines that this workday will be excursion-free.

After several long, at times combative, most often intense discussions re: Nighttime Protocol, Management and K.Lo, a.k.a. The Employee, have outlined the following Resolution: