Once upon a time, K.Lo mistook the Monk Bobblehead that sits on The Manager’s Desk for a small version of our CEO. Today, I wondered if the mind of Monk has perhaps overtaken my employee. Monk, in his quirky, lovable way, is extraordinarily OCD. He drinks a special kind of bottled water, he requires wipes after shaking hands or touching anything remotely germy. He is most demanding of his assistant, Natalie Teeger, verging on meltdown if she does not help to make his environment just so. Monk is a lot like a two-year employee.

Or, is the two-year employee like Monk.

All I know is, Management seems to spend quite a bit of time assisting the employee with Natalie Teeger-like tasks. Flicking infinitesimal specks off of food before it can be eaten. Pouring just a little bit more juice into the cup, increasing the ratio of juice to water so it tastes like juice, not water. Because the employee does not like water. Little stuff like this all.day.long., with Management’s failure to comply quickly escalating into a full-on employee strike.

On the one hand, I wish to acknowledge K.Lo’s experience: if something’s bothering her to the point of a meltdown, of course it matters, and as a good Manager, I want to console her and make it right. On the other hand, I want my employee to be adaptable, able to roll with the punches. Because after 18 years with the company, the employee gets pushed out of the nest, and the next level of employment will certainly not be so accommodating. Of course, Management chooses its battles as wisely as possible. But at the end of the work day filled with battles, I am not nearly so upbeat and good-humored as Natalie Teeger. I wonder why so many seemingly tiny issues have to be blown up so large.

Whatever the issue, K.Lo’s world comes screeching to a halt until it is addressed by Management. She cannot and will not be distracted. So, where is the balance between ignoring seemingly trivial employee demands and giving in to the point where it eventually creates the next Monk?

Consider the Suggestion Box wide open.

It's hard being a Two-Year Employee. The Man(ager) is constantly trying to keep a little girl down. K.Lo has been spending a lot of time at the Twoville Offices the past few days, heeding the atrocious advice of Twoville Management, which encourages usurping managerial power in the home office. On one hand, The Manager feels a little sorry for K.Lo, who is so obviously trying to harness control over her environment when she calls out things such as:

MANAGER! Come BACK! MANAGER!

Because it's kind of sad that she doesn't want the Managerial Staff to leave her. However, my empathy begins to wane when the pitch becomes even louder, more insistent, and demanding:

MANAGER! NOW!

Now? That's just plain rude. This sort of behavior is not at all in line with our Company Code of Conduct.

Unfortunately, how does Management tend to reprimand rule-breaking employees in escalated situations?

K.LO, STOP [Code of Conduct-violating behavior] NOW.

Huh. I'd say "oops" about this choice of syntax, but I don't feel it to be a faulty one. I have since realized just how important word choice is when disciplining employees, and while (clearly) still imperfect and unable to think on the fly, I do think about these word choices carefully.

The word "NOW," uttered in a demanding, bossy tone is okay for The Manager. It is not okay for employees.

But, all good Managers choose their battles. Employees need to be allocated some of that decision-making control. I confess that I do find it exhausting, all day long, choosing which battles will be won by Management, and which will be given to K.Lo.

For instance, during today's Afternoon Break, the employee put up quite a fuss, which The Manager typically treats with stony, removed silence. However, after the fuss extended and then escalated, I realized that K.Lo simply wanted to nap on the floor. You want to nap on the floor? Fine, great! Nap on the floor! I helped the employee situate her pillow and blanket, and her eyes went so wide with shock that it took just minutes for her to close them completely and finally, at long last, clock out from the Morning Shift.

It is a difficult, draining dance between a Manager and a Two-Year Employee. I curse those Twoville Offices, wish failure and desertion on their facilities. I am resolved, however, to triumph over their abominable influences and reign supreme. In the meantime, poor K.Lo will have to live, more or less, with being kept down by The Man(ager).