• N.Lo loves (needs?) to mimic K.Lo in everything, which can be very cute, conducive to learning language, skills, etc. It also, sometimes, doesn’t make a bit of sense and can increase frustration all around, particularly when the action has nothing to do with N.Lo whatsoever. For instance, the other morning, K.Lo chose to throw a colossal tantrum re: a Snow White doll that was confiscated the day prior. The doll would only be returned to her if she went the entire day without a potty accident (TBD). She ranted and raved about the doll coming down from the shelf, etc. etc. etc., and N.Lo eventually chimed in. Simply stressed about the level his coworker was taking the conflict, N.Lo burst into tears and screamed, “Down! I want it down!” too. At this point, my entire head of hair turned gray and fell out in a big pile at my feet. I am now bald. Really.
• It works the other way as well. Being 2, N.Lo has occasionally tried his hand at whacking Management when he does not get his way. Firmly told that he cannot hit and must apologize, N.lo screams, writhes, plays a victim of torture at the very prospect of saying the Dreaded Word. (Sorry.) The Lo.Co. maintains a strict policy regarding this word and hitting, and under no circumstances do we allow violators to walk away. So after N.Lo has carried on for several minutes, K.Lo finally bursts into tears herself, out of sympathy, or as a response to stress, or maybe both, and defends her little brother. “He wants DADDY!” or whatever it is. Sigh.
• It’s no secret that the Lo.Co. is not a TV-free household. We like TV. The children are allowed to watch PBS/Nick Jr./Disney Channel, and we have a great selection of movies. It’s popular culture, and our company policy will not shelter the employees from it. However, TV is allowed regularly if and only if the employees continue to work while training videos play in the background. Should they become comatose little couch lumps, company policy will change. And I’m afraid it’s going to change, let’s just say: effective immediately. K.Lo will be allowed one movie, during N.Lo’s Afternoon Break. Period. The rest of the time, we might play music, or nothing. For awhile, anyway. A recent assessment of our overall viewing habits suggested that a little detox is in order.
• K.Lo continues to have accidents at home. Mainly, she does not wish to tear herself away from whatever activity she is engaged in to use the Employee Rest Room. It is ridiculous and frustrating and a lot of other words I do not use in this space. She does not have accidents outside the office, whether we are out on an errand or other company excursion, or if she is at the Outsourcer. At preschool, she does have a lot of help, and it is likely worked into the daily routine there. However, I feel that at 3 1/2, having demonstrated her proficiency time and time again, she should be able to handle a lot of it on her own in the office. It’s simply a bad work habit, and Management is working to break it. She loses a toy (a meaningful one) for every accident, and does not get said toy back until she goes the entire (next) day with no accidents. Therapy fodder for sure, but rest assured there is plenty of positive reinforcement in there as well. Another big sigh.
• Lastly, I have a question for our readers, possibly rhetorical. Regarding clean-up habits, i.e. picking up office supplies at the end of the work day, how much should Management push the issue? I feel kids are born with a certain inclination toward clean-up, with some being naturally neater than others, or simply more interested in the task of clean-up. N.Lo is, K.Lo is not. She simply never has been. She does help with cleanup, but it is frankly like pulling teeth, and some nights, I let it go. Whereas, N.Lo has always been inclined to help put things away. To me, the habit simply is what it is, neither good or bad; they are just wired that way. However, does that give K.Lo a free pass? I want her to learn how to be helpful and neat, as well as follow the rules. I know she must help out at preschool. At the end of a long work day, sometimes I am just not sure how hard to push the issue. Please advise in comments.

Apologies for the grouch level in this post. It’s a culmination of certain, chronic frustrations in the workplace. Otherwise, obviously, I adore both my employees and my work.

Rule Number One of Management: Never, ever go on and on and on about your employee’s good work habits, because the second you do, they change. The Twoville Offices have taken hold of N.Lo’s personality for the time being, and while it turns out that a giant molar is to blame for some of the strife, the rest is just…something to behold.

• Meltdowns are frequent, over small things. Usually due to denied “up” requests by Management. Vexingly, certain chores in the workplace, such as washing dishes and preparing hot meals, require two hands, not one plus a 30+-lb employee. Go figure!
• When asked (in a friendly voice) to retrieve a certain items himself, such as a juice cup, rather than complying, N.Lo now shouts. With a lot of volume and force. “NO. [YOU] GO. GET. IT!!!” I have had to up hold books and such to hide my laughter. Really, little one?
• Diaper and clothes changes are quite a treat. He runs. He thrashes, he squirms. He has refused a shirt change for the past 48 hours. It’s stayed clean, so I’m allowing it, but I’m pretty sure it’s not just because he likes the shirt, which incidentally is a PJ top. Spider-Man.
• He smears, throws, smashes food items/utensils when not pleased with a situation, related or unrelated to the meal. If admonished, he smears, throws and smashes with even more gusto.
• “MINE!” is perhaps the favorite vocabulary word of choice these days. Followed of course by screeching and a completely insulted cry/tantrum.
• Refuses to come inside with the rest of the company for dinnertime. Often hides in the playhouse out back, saying “NO!” whenever you suggest outdoor playtime is over.
• Petitions for attention from whichever member of Management is not present/assisting. For example, every morning, I greet him in his crib, and lately it’s, “I want Daddy.” At bedtime, the CEO usually takes care of N.Lo while I tend to K.Lo, and the response is a lot of screeching and, “I want Mommy.” Mm-hmm…
• He has mastered the pout. And oh, it’s pretty cute. Mouth in a scowl, brow furrowed, heavy breathing through nostrils…. so it goes.

He did receive his first birthday present yesterday, which we opened early, just for fun. Little did I know the box contained a mountain of the dreaded packing peanuts, which K.Lo deemed “marshmallows”… Weee! The Little People fire station (on the coffee table, northwest of K.Lo’s leg) was a lot of fun, too.

But it’s true. This little employee sometimes hops on a bus and takes a trip straight to the Twoville Offices.

Evidence

• We are well past the stage of throwing food, plates, utensils, and cups at meal times to see that indeed, they land on the floor and make a mess. We covered Cause and Effect months ago. Except, N.Lo continues to study this concept on a daily basis with an air of true defiance. I want something else to eat! *Crash.* There goes the plate. I’m done eating and I want to get down from the chair! *Thwap.* Flying forks and spoons. I need more DRINK! *Whoosh. Clunk.” There goes the sippy cup. Note that Management is very stern in response to this behavior, but with this behavior alone, N.Lo remains unmoved. Our ducking reflexes have also improved.
• For all his charming agreeability, N.Lo has quite a handle on the word, “No.” He speaks it with a tone of irritation in response to certain suggestions, as though you might have lost your mind to think it’s time for a diaper change, to go down for a nap, or to go bye-bye.
• Employee battles over office supplies have increased in incidence and escalated in drama. Because now, N.Lo cares. He not only cares whether a toy is stolen from his possession, but he also instigates his own share of conflicts, knowing which specific thefts will hit K.Lo the hardest. Watch out, he’ll take that My Little Pony and run!
• He’s a biter. In fact, you can see in this photo that he enjoys biting objects in the manner of a puppy; pull on the other end of that blanket, and he’ll shake his head back and forth and pull. N.Lo has been implicated in the biting crime throughout the course of his career, but we are now to the point where he can be expected to take some personal responsibility. He doesn’t bite very often, but of course when he does, it hurts. And, he may have figured out that reprimands from Management will be much more…heated when Management is on the receiving end of such bites. So, his frequent target of late: K.Lo. Poor K.Lo. She’s got battle scars.
• N.Lo still (knock on wood) enjoys both Afternoon Breaks and his work on the Night Shift, BUT he is not always friendly when he wakes up. Gone are the days of happy babbling and jumping up and down on the crib mattress, so excited to see the Manager or CEO when they enter the room. Instead, many times the employee will sneer and roll over, covering his head with the blankie. True story.
• Also: clingy.
• And: stands up in the shopping cart seat despite warnings that he’ll fall and crack his head open.
• And! Chucks a lot of the good, healthy food on his plate, and goes for the junkier fare only. At the end of the day, I’m not sure he’s had much more than potato chips and gummy snacks. And perhaps a vitamin.

Poor N.Lo. It’s a difficult stage in an employee’s career. You don’t yet have the vocabulary to express what you want or need, and in general, Management’s restrictions feel oppressive and completely unnecessary.

Next up: You have the right words to say what you want or need, but you are still denied. This job is tough!

Odds

• N.Lo spent part of the evening yesterday kicking the wall next to his crib. I had thought someone was hammering in the distance, it was that consistent and loud, until the CEO informed me otherwise. He wasn’t verbally complaining, just kicking.
• The other day while swinging N.Lo in the backyard, I noticed a wasp buzzing around his head, and that was the end of that swinging session. Later on, the CEO also noticed a wasp flying nearby the same swing and discovered a nest under the actual swing itself, tucked way up out of sight. Yuck. Needless to say, it has since been destroyed.
• K.Lo sings a lot to herself, either songs she has heard in the office, songs she makes up herself, or songs she has heard at the Outsourcer. I have no idea where she heard one song in particular, which has the lyrics, “I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die,” sung in a kind of happy way? It could be as innocuous as the Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly, but I don’t like it much.
• N.Lo has always had a thing with clenching hands, so that he won’t hold your hand or hands (even when learning to walk, which is underlies my theory on why it took so long), and he likes to clutch things like his blankie or other fabrics—such Management’s pants, when he is upset. Pet peeve! This has never been fun with skin, either, and lately he has been into the slow, curious pinch of Management’s arms and legs. Like, how long before she screams? Ouch!

 

Ends

• The days of automatically assuming K.Lo is the culprit in workplace conflicts (especially related to office supplies) are well over. N.Lo can be equally to blame for snatching toys away from his coworker when he should not.
• For the longest time, K.Lo used to call on the Manager rather mindlessly, calling, “Mommy…” from another room, even if she didn’t really need anything. It’s sort of bothersome for Management, these false calls for assistance. Lately, however, she has been answering the response of “What, K.Lo?” with, “I love you.” Management immediately softens to subsequent requests, should they occur.
• N.Lo has been happy to take a bath for a good while now, having overcome his fear, which lasted a good three months or more.
• He has all the teeth he is supposed to get until 2-year-old molar time, but the set he has continues to push through, and he has been grouchy/clingy as a result. Or, maybe it is just the impending Twos, and Twoville.
• Other than the aforementioned “I don’t want to die” song, we haven’t addressed or been specifically asked about the question of death, but a few more fish in the tank have died recently, and I feel like it might be coming. I’m told that “The Fall of Freddie the Leaf” is a good training resource to address the question. Until then, K.Lo has simply left it at, “The dead fish had to go in the potty because he was dirty.” Indeed, K.Lo, indeed.

• This picture just makes me laugh. I brought out the camera because his hair has been all curly and flyaway for the past two days, and I love it. But all the pictures came out blurry, and in this one, the expression is not exactly what I was going for.
• He is getting a little moody, that one. Growing pains. Fast approaching Twoville.
• He likes Alone Time in the morning. He wakes up and babbles and tosses stuffed animals from the crib, and sometimes ends up going back to sleep, so I just let him go and see what happens. Unless we are due to drop off K.Lo at the Outsourcer, in which case I have to wake him up/interrupt the Alone Time. He typically does not take this very well. I completely understand.
• I worry about leaving him alone for too long, however, as yesterday he experienced his first-ever fall from the crib. It was a flip, actually, and I was unfortunately right there to witness it, but not soften the fall. If only I had the lightning quick reflexes of a superhero, and/or an additional set of arms.
• He also fell down the set of three brick steps leading to our “downstairs” last week, and landed mostly on his ear, which bruised purple and red. This occurred during Un-Happy Hour, which is promptly before dinner. I went downstairs to change out the laundry, and he followed, all upset at being left with the CEO. Didn’t even look, stepped off, and toppled down the stairs. It could have been worse, but lately I’m paranoid about the more serious head injuries. I’ll be keeping him off the Canadian ski slopes.
• We think he might have seasonal allergies, which are just a pain no matter what age you are. Thanks, pollen.
• He repeats words overheard from K.Lo’s desk, words which K.Lo has only learned the true concept of recently, such as “shadow.” He also attempts to capture intonation, which is entertaining when the word is “No.” There are so many different ways to say that one.
• Also mimics K.Lo when she “races,” which is a game she likes to play. We say, “1, 2, 3, set go!” and she runs from her place to maybe 5 or 10 feet ahead. He goes right along with her.
• And he’s tired of the baby swing, mostly. However, doesn’t really have the full hang of the big swing yet… has to learn to keep his hands on the chains and not let go.
• When thirsty, he likes to open the drawer where I recently moved all the sippy cups and hand me a cup and a lid. Sometimes they match. He says “drink” instead of “juice.”
• He packs a purse of K.Lo’s with random toys and says, “Bye-bye.”
• He loves shoes. Mine, his, doesn’t matter. I think he likes the sound on the floor as he tromps around.
• He loves, loves being outside. Sometimes it is the only thing that calms him down. He especially loves playing the sandbox, which I sometimes wish was a sand table, to avoid the issue of sand all over the bed.
• He is comparatively more distractible than his coworker, taking direction at times when he is fussy and I’d like him to go play rather than climbing all over me and whining. I’m mean, I know. So I suggest a project, and he sometimes takes me up on it, rather than persisting in his complaints.
• He is learning to exert his will upon the world, or tries. If he wants to climb a chair that I’m sitting in, he will pull on my hand and grunt to try and get me to move. Also, I’m told that this past weekend, at the Regional Manager’s Office, he proceeded to push a certain coworker who didn’t want to go for a walk all the way down the driveway…

Who, me?

 

Once upon a time, K.Lo mistook the Monk Bobblehead that sits on The Manager’s Desk for a small version of our CEO. Today, I wondered if the mind of Monk has perhaps overtaken my employee. Monk, in his quirky, lovable way, is extraordinarily OCD. He drinks a special kind of bottled water, he requires wipes after shaking hands or touching anything remotely germy. He is most demanding of his assistant, Natalie Teeger, verging on meltdown if she does not help to make his environment just so. Monk is a lot like a two-year employee.

Or, is the two-year employee like Monk.

All I know is, Management seems to spend quite a bit of time assisting the employee with Natalie Teeger-like tasks. Flicking infinitesimal specks off of food before it can be eaten. Pouring just a little bit more juice into the cup, increasing the ratio of juice to water so it tastes like juice, not water. Because the employee does not like water. Little stuff like this all.day.long., with Management’s failure to comply quickly escalating into a full-on employee strike.

On the one hand, I wish to acknowledge K.Lo’s experience: if something’s bothering her to the point of a meltdown, of course it matters, and as a good Manager, I want to console her and make it right. On the other hand, I want my employee to be adaptable, able to roll with the punches. Because after 18 years with the company, the employee gets pushed out of the nest, and the next level of employment will certainly not be so accommodating. Of course, Management chooses its battles as wisely as possible. But at the end of the work day filled with battles, I am not nearly so upbeat and good-humored as Natalie Teeger. I wonder why so many seemingly tiny issues have to be blown up so large.

Whatever the issue, K.Lo’s world comes screeching to a halt until it is addressed by Management. She cannot and will not be distracted. So, where is the balance between ignoring seemingly trivial employee demands and giving in to the point where it eventually creates the next Monk?

Consider the Suggestion Box wide open.

Like any Manager, I have a few very specific long-term goals concerning my employees’ skill sets, goals which quite possibly correlate with my own personal pet peeves. One such goal is ownership. I vow that one day, far, far along into their careers, my employees will know that when a mishap or other issue arises in the workplace, they might very well be to blame. And if they are, they will openly accept that fact and seek to fix it. They will not automatically point the finger at their coworker, their job, and/or anyone or any other set of circumstances apart from their very own lovely and charming selves.

This is not to say that I wish my employees to accept blame for all workplace issues and land in the other extreme of Doormatsville. Just, ownership where ownership is due. As K.Lo reminds her coworker, sometimes a person needs to “Man up!”

We work hard on this skill at The Lo.Co. Management has, on a few specific occasions, engaged in an hour-long standoff with the two-year employee over a serious ECC violation (h-i-t-t-i-n-g) and two all-important little words: “I’m sorry.” We stuck to our guns on this one, and found that future standoff times decreased dramatically, along with the ECC violation incidence itself.

Additionally, K.Lo has recently picked up another habit, surely the influence of those pesky Twoville Offices, where she says, “NO! You do it!” when asked to complete a chore. At this juncture, Management allows one more chance for attitude adjustment. When the employee refuses again, we do the chore together. As in, The Manager becomes The Micro-Manager until said chore is completed properly. And with a smile, preferably.

It is difficult to remember that employees do not come pre-installed with the Ownership Chip, and in fact this skill even more that others may take years and years of training. And that training may never stick. But, we can dream.

We're experiencing a bit of a backslide, here at The Lo.Co. Another day, another trip to the Twoville Offices. Currently, Managerial frustration and employee discontent are high in the following areas:

K.Lo:

-tossed back some choice words to The Manager, saying, "You're whining. What do you want." Please note that The Manager was not actually whining at this juncture in the conversation.
-returned one of the two toilet paper squares she was given in the Employee Rest Room, and reminded The Manager, "Just a little bit!"
-says often about her coworker, "I love N.Lo!"
-says of pickles, "Crunchy AND sweet."
-responds to select cafeteria meals with great enthusiasm, saying, "Wow! Thank you very much!"
-enjoys training on simple jigsaw puzzle projects.
-brought her new shoes to the checkout line and handed them to the sales clerk. When asked if she had a major credit card, K.Lo replied, "Yes."

When K.Lo, in true Twoville fashion, gets on a roll with saying "NO," the CEO likes to institute a new line of questioning.

CEO: Would you like more chicken?

K.Lo: NO.

CEO: Did you want more juice?

K.Lo: NO.

CEO: Okay... Would you like me to buy you your first car?

K.Lo: NO!

CEO: Do you want me to pay for your college tuition?

K.Lo: NO!

Management was on a roll as usual, and then:

CEO: Do you want to date boys when you're older?

K.Lo (smirks): Yes.

Already, the future of our company is in jeopardy!

MEMO

To: All Lo. Co. Staff
From: Management
Re: K.Lo and the martial arts

Please be advised that our two-year employee has been training intensively at the Twoville Offices in the field of martial arts. All staff is to be on guard for K.Lo's flying, striking hands and feet, and aware that no subject is immune. Guard your desks, your office supplies, your own employee selves.

Also note that The Lo. Co. upholds a Zero Tolerance Policy in regards to Twoville Martial Arts. We pledge to fully undermine this subversive training effort by Twoville until it has been rendered useless. In the meantime, we request your patience and cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Manager.

The other day, I ran across this old pamphlet describing my former place of employment. The cover photo of the brochure gave me pause. I looked up at K.Lo, fresh from another trip to the dreaded Twoville Offices, screaming incoherently for some form of assistance. I looked down again at the brochure to see K.Lo smiling up at me, all well-dressed and impish. Except that it wasn't K.Lo, it was The Manager, once upon a Twoville. I have to wonder, can this finding possibly bode well for my career.

MEMO

To: K.Lo
Cc: The Managerial Staff
From: The Manager
Re: Use of the Employee Rest Room

Per employee request, The Manager and/or CEO will reward K.Lo for using the Employee Rest Room in the following manner:

A candle will be lit.
Happy Birthday will be sung.
K.Lo will blow out the candle.
The Managerial Staff on hand will applaud wildly.


MANAGERIAL NOTES

This Incentive Program was formed by a complete and utter fluke, wherein The Manager happened to have a lit candle on the kitchen counter, and K.Lo happened to pee (finally) on the potty for the very first time in her short career. The Manager applauded wildly in response to this momentous occasion, and K.Lo, with a shining look on her little face, requested Happy Birthday and to blow out the candle. Clearly The Manager would have been silly not to comply.

Though I make it all sound so easy. It wasn't, it isn't. It was a long, horrible day at the office. K.Lo is currently uncomfortable with all pieces of the employee uniform. Her hair's a wreck, and if The Manager tries to fix it, she smacks herself in the face. She wants the Pull-Ups on, she wants them off. She wants the underwear on, she wants the underwear off. She wants to climb anything she is able. She screams, she cries. She throws herself around. She is not easily distracted by other work projects. I feel completely sorry for her, but in response, have not exactly been in a cheerful mood.

But, she peed in the potty. Twice. We sang Happy Birthday, twice.

And now, The Manager is having a drink. That is all.

Dear Twoville Offices,

It's hard being a Two-Year Employee. The Man(ager) is constantly trying to keep a little girl down. K.Lo has been spending a lot of time at the Twoville Offices the past few days, heeding the atrocious advice of Twoville Management, which encourages usurping managerial power in the home office. On one hand, The Manager feels a little sorry for K.Lo, who is so obviously trying to harness control over her environment when she calls out things such as:

MANAGER! Come BACK! MANAGER!

Because it's kind of sad that she doesn't want the Managerial Staff to leave her. However, my empathy begins to wane when the pitch becomes even louder, more insistent, and demanding:

MANAGER! NOW!

Now? That's just plain rude. This sort of behavior is not at all in line with our Company Code of Conduct.

Unfortunately, how does Management tend to reprimand rule-breaking employees in escalated situations?

K.LO, STOP [Code of Conduct-violating behavior] NOW.

Huh. I'd say "oops" about this choice of syntax, but I don't feel it to be a faulty one. I have since realized just how important word choice is when disciplining employees, and while (clearly) still imperfect and unable to think on the fly, I do think about these word choices carefully.

The word "NOW," uttered in a demanding, bossy tone is okay for The Manager. It is not okay for employees.

But, all good Managers choose their battles. Employees need to be allocated some of that decision-making control. I confess that I do find it exhausting, all day long, choosing which battles will be won by Management, and which will be given to K.Lo.

For instance, during today's Afternoon Break, the employee put up quite a fuss, which The Manager typically treats with stony, removed silence. However, after the fuss extended and then escalated, I realized that K.Lo simply wanted to nap on the floor. You want to nap on the floor? Fine, great! Nap on the floor! I helped the employee situate her pillow and blanket, and her eyes went so wide with shock that it took just minutes for her to close them completely and finally, at long last, clock out from the Morning Shift.

It is a difficult, draining dance between a Manager and a Two-Year Employee. I curse those Twoville Offices, wish failure and desertion on their facilities. I am resolved, however, to triumph over their abominable influences and reign supreme. In the meantime, poor K.Lo will have to live, more or less, with being kept down by The Man(ager).

Attention all employees,

We would like to welcome back our star employee, K.Lo, who has returned from a long, seemingly endless business trip to Twoville. K.Lo spent her first morning back on the job coloring, eating oranges, and pouring water from cup to cup in the Employee Bath. She has been most productive, and has demonstrated an enthusiastic work attitude, one we could all learn from. Our entire office missed K.Lo during her absence, and it goes without saying, we hope The Twoville Offices will not require her services any time soon.

Sincerely,
The Manager