Work Day Givens

I record these givens here not only for posterity, but in hopes that I will accept them as the givens they are, rather than attempting to fight them with annoyance and/or louder forms of resistance.

• N.Lo will want to be picked up and carried when on a company excursion. If he does feel like walking, he will not hold the Manager’s hand in the parking lot and will charge forth, erasing years off the Manager’s life in the space of mere seconds.
• N.Lo will petition to be picked up and carried at the office when the Manager’s arms are completely full, when the Kitchen Staff is preparing a meal (especially a hot one, or one whose preparation involves knives), or immediately after the CEO returns from the Other Office. When denied, he will throw a fit. And eventually, one or more members of Management will give in.
• N.Lo will ask for help putting his shoes on, and then will snatch them away, saying he wants to put them on himself. Then he will not be able to put on said shoes. Then he will ask for help putting on the shoes. Then he will get mad that you are not letting him put on the shoes himself. When this scene occurs, the company will already be running late.
• N.Lo will ask to open a snack that is melty or crushable, will not be able to open said snack, will ask for help opening the snack, and then will immediately snatch the snack back and attempt once again to open it, thereby melting and crushing it.
• N.Lo will throw his food if dissatisfied in any way during a meal. Dissatisfaction may or may not be related to food.
• N.Lo will also insist on carrying his bowl or plate full of food, and will either trip on his way to the table, or become dissatisfied in some way on his way to the table, inspiring him to drop said bowl or plate full of food.
• Any dropped food will immediately be rendered inedible due to the dog hair that will inevitably stick to it.
• The Canine Staff will hover around any and all food like vultures. They may even be so brazen as to eat said food off the coffee table (or even *gasp* the kitchen table) when Management is not looking. And if Management happens to miss the crime, there will be no way to prove it happened. Can only depend on employee testimony, if available.
• A salesman, neighbor, or little twit asking for money in exchange for nothing will come to the door during Afternoon Break. Dogs will bark.
• K.Lo will have a meltdown at some point throughout the day, or perhaps several points throughout the day. Always at the end of the day, prior to the Night Shift. Often before dinner. Occasionally right outside N.Lo’s door during Afternoon Break. It will usually manifest itself as a control issue, i.e. she has not gotten her way enough, and she will not be consoled about this injustice.
• K.Lo will request Managerial assistance with tasks that any sane, able individual would attempt themselves, such as retrieving a drink that is literally two feet away. Or pulling up her sheets over her little body at night when she kicks them off and gets cold. For a brief period not too long ago, she asked for help eating her food. Management is still puzzling over this particular request, wondering how, and why.
• K.Lo will come up with some great new pressing need that requires Managerial assistance, i.e. she really does need adult help, approximately every 120 seconds. All day. Every day. Sometimes at night. Will express said need in the manner of a broken record until the “off” button is pushed, or the need is met.
• If reprimanded, K.Lo will melt down, and/or yell at Management for yelling at her.
• If her coworker is reprimanded, K.Lo will melt down. And yell at Management for yelling at her coworker.
• If the employees are working happily, any small disruption can and will disturb said contentment. That disruption can be as small as the Manager standing up from her chair and crossing the room to retrieve something.
• If the refrigerator is opened, one or both employees will lobby for cheese. Employees do not have to be present in the kitchen; they can sense the refrigerator being opened from all far corners of the office. After the 3rd refrigerator-opening, requests for cheese will become unreasonable and excessive, but will not cease to occur.
• Both employees will request to sit with (i.e. ON) Management at meals. Even and especially if the meal requires two hands and/or extra care, such as with hot soup.
• These events can and will combine with unfortunate synergy.

Overheard in the Office

These are all K.Lo. K.Lo, K.Lo, K.Lo…

• “I put my milk cup in the sink like a ROCK STAR! High five!”
• “I don’t like fish, it makes me feel like grown-up.” Which, according to the CEO (I was not aware), means throwing up. Lovely.
• On Friday, the company doctor mentioned that, due to company medical history, the employees should perhaps cut back on such high-fat, high-sodium foods as hot dogs. So the Kitchen Staff purchased Smart Dogs this weekend, the squishy tofu knockoffs? And neither employee was fooled, or impressed. Management overheard K.Lo muttering to herself: “Hey… these are not yummy. I do NOT like these hot dogs.”
• In the company car, impatient to get back to the office: “Mommy, these people aren’t driving very well…” (They were, in fact, fine—that time. Ha ha.)
• Casual dinner conversation, directed at the Manager: “Are those your boobs? I have small hill boobs. See?” …What? Where? WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?
• The CEO said to K.Lo, “You really are a hoot.” K.Lo: “I’m not a FRUIT!

She uses her “teacher” voice quite often as well, which is fun. I like hearing her break down elaborate “lessons” for us on how to do a puzzle, wrap up a doll, etc. She starts her sentences with “now” a lot, and says, “You have to do such-and-such,” or, “Remember, you can’t do that-or-that because…” etc.

K.Lo also has teacher “volume” down, i.e. she knows how to project her voice, which may or may not be pleasant for her audience.

And, she’s gotten a little sassy, not necessarily in a fun way. While it’s interesting (embarrassing?), and at times cute or entertaining , to hear what she picks up on and relays back to us, she can and will cross the line. The employee is at times under the impression that our company is a democracy where all have an equal say, so if she is admonished for a behavior, then she can in turn admonish us for our behavior as she sees fit. While Management understands that it is the employee’s job to make mistakes throughout training, Management also expects the employee to listen when asked to stop or change said behavior when told. Especially after the third time. I’m just saying. K.Lo’s persistence and drive will serve her so well in the world, but it is also Management’s job to keep those characteristics in check.  

Performance Review: N.Lo

Height: 34.75 inches (60th percentile). Grew 2 inches since 18-mos review.

Weight: 29.5 lbs (75th percentile). Hasn’t gained an ounce! Bye-bye, round belly...

Fully vaccinated. Was a bit torturous, but hopefully there will be a little less sickness around the office this winter. Mainly did well with checkup, although was highly insulted when not allowed to play with the choo-choos. (The waiting room was reserved for sick kiddos today.)

Smiles: Excellent.

Fashion sense: At times questionable.

Overall: Incredibly cute.

Thanksgiving Crafts, Part 1

Our office is hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, and K.Lo is capable of so much more in the area of crafting, so I am stepping up our efforts to decorate the office a little bit. We started small today, with a few project kits picked up on clearance at the craft store, as well as an adapted project from a cool site recommended by a fellow manager.

Here is one of the kits, which I think was $.75. As far as teamwork went, I basically put it all together while K.Lo attended to her own project, cooking up a bowlful of google eyes and plastic beads, served with a plastic spoon. Yummy. Some of these projects are still difficult to fully enlist the staff because they involve use of the hot glue gun, which I can barely operate myself without injury. In fact, I did suffer a glob of hot glue on my finger which I couldn’t shake off for several long and painful seconds. Would you believe glue doesn’t shake off? It’s shocking. Anyway, the scarecrow is cool, but he has to stay on the book shelf, as he can’t stand up by himself. Top heavy.

Here is the turkey, which we made from felt instead of foam. K.Lo was more than cooperative as I traced her hand, and then we put it all together. It reminds me of the turkeys we used to make from construction paper in elementary school; I like it because it’s also a record of hand size. Pretty sure K.Lo likes it, too.

Employee Files

Overheard in the Office

• A favorite of N.Lo’s: “Go a-WAY!” And he means it. Difficult not to laugh in response.
• K.Lo, standing up for her coworker: “Why did you yell at my brother? Do not yell at my BROTHER. He’s MY brother.” *Hugs him fiercely.* Duly noted, dear.
• K.Lo, pushing a small rocking chair ice cream cart around the office. “I have some black cherry ice cream for you. Want some?”
• Sitting down to dinner, K.Lo: “Bon Apetit, now we may eat.” Well, well!
• K.Lo, channeling the Manager: “I can’t hear you, I have wax in my ears.” (Long story. Another day.)
• K.Lo has taken to saying, “Just a minute,” in response to requests, with all the right emphasis in an uncanny imitation of Management. When asked a second time, she responds the same, except with a smirk. When asked a third time, ooo. Trouble.
• My personal favorite, K.Lo on a rant: “If you shout like an OLD LADY, I will not be very happy.”
• This morning, which involved a less than exciting 5:30AM wake-up call, K.Lo greeted the CEO with, “Good morning, Daddy. I pooped in my sheets.” Indeed.

The Working Relationship

• Wrestling moves between the employees are becoming much more hard-core. Injuries have been sustained. Lots of giggling occurs otherwise. N.Lo is now much more able to hold his own in such a match.
• N.Lo wants everything his coworker wants, which can be very cute and/or very frustrating. As in, should a request be denied, cries of protest are presented in surround sound. Also, K.Lo feeds N.Lo off-the-wall ideas, which he latches onto and won’t let go. For instance, the other day during lunch, which was going along most pleasantly, K.Lo mentioned for a nanosecond the word “outside.” In minutes, the lunch had entirely dismantled, with both children devolved into tears because they weren’t allowed outside before finishing lunch. Which they never did.
• N.Lo demands requires assistance from whichever member of Management is not present. If the CEO has left for work and the Manager appears to begin the Day Shift, tortured screams of “Daddy! I want Daddy!” occur. Likewise if the Manager is not available: “Mama, I want Mama!” The situation can escalate quickly.

 

Progress/Performance

• At our out-of-town Halloween party on Friday, N.Lo fell down the stairs. Between his new cowboy boots and his general lack of luck with these stairs in particular, it was likely a disaster in the making. I knew who it was and what was happening the moment it started… oh, years off my life. He is fine, just a bruise/scrape above his eye. But still.
• Although I never, ever expected them to, K.Lo and N.Lo fell asleep at a reasonable hour (maybe 10PM?) at our friends’ house, with not too much insistence/prompting from Management. We did “go to bed” twice, but the second time, they fell asleep on an air mattress and were just fine for the rest of the evening. Unprecedented.
• When we made our printout calendars last week, K.Lo copied the letter “P” (for preschool days) fairly well. Who knew?
• N.Lo now sleeps with two blankies (white, green) and a turtle. The turtle we acquired on our aquarium trip, where the employees were each allowed to choose one thing from the gift shop. He was interested in many things, but kept coming back to the turtle and hugging it, so the turtle it was. Don’t try to leave it out of the crib!
• We lost track of the white blankie over the weekend. I try not to bring it up, or distract when it does come up. Oops. Wonder where it went?
• K.Lo likes to sit in the Tonka dump truck and ask N.Lo to push her around, which he usually obliges. Funny sight.
• K.Lo will often begin a conversation with, “Hey, I have a good idea…” and will then proceed to tell me the idea, which may or may not be a good one.
• Management is having trouble figuring out where the comma goes, with N.Lo. For example, is he saying, “No, juice,” as in No, I don’t want what you are currently trying to give me, I have something else in mind? Or is he saying, “NO JUICE,” as in, I don’t want juice at all (and back off!). This conundrum occurs in approximately 50% of all conversation with N.Lo.
• We are finally to the point of a) ordering 2 separate kids’ meals for the employees when eating out, instead of 1, and b) seeing them eat their food when eating out. The CFO has been placated.
• Also, it seems like they have both moved beyond the toddler forks? As both managed just fine with grown-up forks when out to breakfast this weekend. But, they do love the small plastic colored utensils so much, so we will see how it goes this week without them.
• N.Lo can FINALLY drink from a sippy cup other than the squishy silicone kind that is practically a bottle. At the moment, he prefers the disposable kind with the mix and match tops and bottoms. The kind K.Lo drank from as a 6-mos-old. I’m just saying. Different skill sets, I know, I know, but just try forgetting that all-important specific sippy cup once in awhile. Not fun. 
• We will not begin training in the Employee Rest Room for at least a few months. I’m trying things a little differently this time around, for a few reasons. N.Lo is a boy and I don’t want to deal with it just yet has a different temperament, and I feel like K.Lo’s training was so drawn out because we started too soon. Regardless, N.Lo is still a big potty participant whenever K.Lo goes, especially while out and about. He insists on flushing the potty and also (thankfully) likes to wash hands, dry them, and throw the paper towel (or toilet paper, as he calls it) in the trash.
• That being said, I sort of loathe going to the potty while out. It is a big production, with the 3 of us. Oh well. It’s all part of the job. 

Trick or Treat!

The whole company dressed up to go trick-or-treating this evening. A butterfly, Woody the Cowboy, the Mad Hatter, and a Cereal Killer. Notice that N.Lo now has super-cool Toy Story boots to finish out his costume, and the body of K.Lo’s butterfly costume has been changed out and newly decorated with glitter glue and jewels. She did all of the jewels by herself, took initiative of that project from the start, insisting that we buy the stick-on jewel pack at the craft store and everything. Huh! Management’s costumes made an appearance the night before at an out-of-town party, so we simply put them on one last time, just for fun. Our company joined a big group of other companies on the street and went trick-or-treating together. All employees were ages 5 and under, so it was an especially cute crew. I wasn’t sure if N.Lo would really get the whole concept, but I guess all that training with his coworker paid off, as he was not at all shy about marching up to the door and asking for candy. He clearly knew what was at stake. All the employees were delightfully polite; we hit a handful of houses together and then met over at our neighbor’s for a quick game of Pin the Tail on the Black Cat before heading home.

At our own office, the turnout was strangely low for a Saturday night, and N.Lo, who had missed his Afternoon Break on our long car ride back to the office, was sort of (beyond) a wreck. And K.Lo was wired, though she once again enjoyed handing out candy to the few trick-or-treaters that did show up. Let’s hope that between the costumes, candy and all other excitement, the employees achieve some semblance of productivity on the Night Shift. Happy Halloween!

Cinderella, Cinderella

For her preschool Halloween party, K.Lo decided to forgo the butterfly costume and dress up as Cinderella. The dress came from our dress-up bin, had been procured by the Regional Manager for $1 at a consignment sale. I added a Cinderella sticker in place of the missing brooch, and we also added a white beaded necklace to this ensemble, along with her pink sparkly shoes, which clearly go with everything. The party was apparently a fun time, with a lot sugar great snacks, and a bag of take-home treats. So much fun!