As recently noted, K.Lo now seems to require her manager's presence and attention at all possible moments of the day, and even the impossible ones. Like when clocking in for the Night Shift. Or during Managers Only excursions. Or even on trips to the Executive Bathroom. Many deep breaths are required to address this high level of demand. I have feigned deafness, I have employed sympathy, I have come very close to tearing out large clumps of my own hair. As I left the office this morning to go out and purchase some supplies, K.Lo ran screaming toward the door and landed in a pitiful little heap of tears, screaming for Her Manager. This afternoon, I temporarily conceded to her going on break out in the Conference Room, with me, if she needed my assistance so badly, but then she refused to really go on break and so back to her own cubicle she went. But it was still difficult, when she had been doing so well.

A tiny, dumb part of me is flattered that she requires my assistance only, and so adamently? The past few days, she has been very interested in asking for and playing with my desk toys specifically, rather than her own, like the little red double-decker bus I bought in London. Or she will request to use my kitchen supplies, even though she has a million of her own.

On the other hand, although I meet her requests for assistance wherever possible, K.Lo does not seem particularly responsive to having her manager around. Employee dissatisfaction remains high, as she continues to complain about her position in the company, employee benefits, my managerial style, etc. It feels very much like a lose-lose situation.

Part of me feels inclined, as a manager, to analyze this situation, to try and figure it out. Like if I could just figure out what the problem is, the "why" behind this behavior, then I could take steps to fix it. Maybe she is feeling competition with her coworker. Maybe she is having trouble with a project, such as growing teeth. Maybe she's just approaching her 2-year review.

These past few days, I can't help doubting my abilities and effectiveness as manager. Or as a person. I'm constantly exasperated, out of patience. I remind myself that K.Lo is such a great employee, and I am so lucky to have her on staff. I tell myself there are far worse employee-manager situations than ours, that I am lucky to even be a manager at all. I fast-forward in my mind to years from now when I will look back on the start-up years of our company and feel sad that I can't have them back. I am out of ideas on how to approach this stage in training, other than like all the others, which is one step at a time.