MEMO

TO: N.LO

FROM: THE MANAGER

RE: IMPROPER USE OF THE EMPLOYEE POOL

PRIORITY LEVEL: HIGH!

PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT EMPLOYEES WITH LESS THAN ONE YEAR OF EMPLOYMENT ARE NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TO FALL FACE FORWARD INTO THE SMALL EMPLOYEES’ POOL, SUBMERGING THEMSELVES COMPLETELY. IT TAKES YEARS OFF THE MANAGER’S LIFE. LUCKY FOR YOU YOU I HAVE CAT-LIKE REFLEXES. HOWEVER, SNATCHING AN EMPLOYEE OUT OF THE WATER BY HIS TINY ANKLE IS NOT MY IDEA OF A FUN TIME.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR MANDATORY COOPERATION.

Sincerely,

Your Manager, Now Several Years Closer to “Retirement”

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6 peanuts:
  1. Megan says:

    HOLY HEART ATTACK, MANAGER! I can just imagine your chest alternately seizing up and thumping like a drum.

    GOOD JOB ON THE CAT-LIKE REFLEXES!

    (By the ankle? Really? Gosh that makes me anxious just to think about it. And then maybe laugh and the thought of you holding N.Lo up by his ankle. Knowing that he's OK, of course.)

  1. he should totally be docked for such insubordination. TSK!

  1. Kurt says:

    Mandatory cooperation in the best kind!

  1. Andria says:

    It's like when someone gets too drunk at the Company picnic or Christmas party and becomes highly inappropriate totally killing the mood. I'm sure it had been a peaceful, lazy day soaking up the sun outside up to that point. Way to react and glad everyone is ok. I think I lost a year as well thinking about it.

  1. penelope says:

    It was a total mood-killer yes.
    And it really was by the ankle! Years.off.my.life. He will have his pay docked for sure.

  1. Skye says:

    I hope you're filing a copy of this in his employee record, because it should definitely be brought up during his annual review.