Dear K.Lo,

We regret to inform you that your application for the position recently advertised with our company has been denied. While you possess the enthusiasm and the magic wand required for the job, overall we feel you lack the focus and direction needed in a Laundry Manager. Clean laundry goes into the laundry basket; it is not to be flung around the room and dropped on the dog-hairy floor. Also, the latter activities are not funny. I mean it!

Maybe sometime in the future you'll be ready to get serious and fold up those shirts and socks.
Until then,
Your Manager

The Lo. Co. is looking someone else to be The IT Department. Someone who, unlike The Manager, knows what they are doing when it comes to hooking up machines to a wireless network. Like, for instance, a new printer. Or, all of the company computers after The Manager muddles her way through the job and completely screws up all the settings trying to hook up said printer. We are anything but wireless at this juncture. Please save us. We pay in cookies.

Speaking of Laundry Managers, a better Laundry Manager would not have let the following happen:













What you see here is a laundry drum, namely the Lo. Co. laundry drum, with a patina of purple crayon.

Due to its graphic nature, we do not have a photograph of the laundry affected by this disaster.

The following letters have been dictated by The Manager and recorded by our Head Secretary, as The Manager is currently paralyzed from the face down.

Letter 1.
Dear Art Department,
This is not your best work.

Letter 2.
Attention all employees,
Be advised that in response to the Purple Crayon Laundry Disaster of January 2008, henceforth referred to as PCLD-08, mandatory Pocket Checks prior to laundering will be enforced. Forever.

Letter 3.
Dear Manager,
Since it is not clear at this point (nor will it ever be, now will it!) who is really to blame for PCLD-08, mandatory Pocket Checks will apply to you, too.

Letter 4.
Attention Research Department and Housekeeping Staff,
Require assistance with PCLD-08 cleanup, STAT. Google, people! WD-40 and rags! Go, go, go!

Letter 5.
Dear CEO,
Um... don't worry! I'll fix it! I'll fix it!

Sincerely,
The Manager

Our office would like to hire a new Laundry Manager. Candidate skill set will include, but not be limited to the following: sorting, washing, drying, folding, and distributing employee uniforms. Also, the quality of Acceptance, as opposed to Denial, would be helpful, as in, this person should be able to notice and accept the growing laundry pile, rather than denying its existence until said laundry pile sprouts own limbs and head and threatens to overthrow our organization.

Glittery wings and magic wand a plus. Positive attitude a must. Salary: TBD--okay, let's be honest, it pays nothing.

Now accepting applications. Anyone? Anyone? Or at the very least, the name of a tarp supplier for New Employees?