• Sometimes says about her coworker, “He’s so chewy,” for “He’s so cute.” Which I love.
• Is fully responsible for her own washing in the tub. She insists.
• Yesterday, The Manager overhauled K.Lo’s wardrobe, bringing out a few boxes of uniforms for winter. It might have been Christmas for all of K.Lo’s exclamations: “Oh! Thank you, Mommy! Thank you so much! I love them. This is so pretty. I like this one. It’s gorgeous.”
• Has started using “because” a lot in sentences, but doesn’t quite have the hang of it yet, as in, “I need my juice, because… I need my juice.” Exactly.
• Inspired by another local company, K.Lo is partaking in an updated Incentive Program for use of the Employee Rest Room: 1 M&M per pee. Or a jelly-band (jelly-bean), if she so chooses.
• Sends Bender outside for annoying behavior, such as tripping up The Manager with her constant habit of being und erfoot. You go, K.Lo.
• Serves as The Manager’s second-in-command sometimes in the cafeteria for N.Lo. When I recently placed a small bowl of grapes in front of N.Lo, K.Lo very pointedly moved the bowl to the side, out of his reach, and pulled out a few grapes for him, placing them on the table. Because clearly this arrangement would be easier for him to maneuver. And it’s true!
• Has finally noticed the child-latch on the snack cabinet is broken, but so far, hasn’t abused the privilege. She helps herself, but waits for permission, and doesn’t (as I imagined) pilfer chocolate from dawn till dusk. Impressive.
• Insisted that a box of 2-liter Coke bottles were actually “Wine, for Daddy.”
• After having her nails painted recently, said, “I look like a lady.” Yes, you do!

N.Lo

• After deliberately throwing food items from his tray, will sometimes say, “Uh-oh!”
• Has quite a throwing arm. It’s best to remain apprised of what object is in his hand before agreeing to play his tossing game.
• Likes to climb all over The Manager during exercise. Adds resistance?
• Has expressed some interest in drinking from an actual, non-sippy cup. Since I can’t get him to drink from anything but a bottle, I thought I’d give a shot. He’s taken a few sips of water and thought the whole process was just grand. Until he took too much.
• Loves McDonald’s French fries. (Yum!)
• Seems to be cutting a top incisor? But only has three top teeth, with no sign of the fourth.

K.Lo

• Is currently enthralled with the Lion King training video, obtained from the Regional Manager’s office.
• Is having fewer and fewer accidents relating to the Employee Rest Room.
• Sometimes even lets me brush her hair.
• Is a much more pleasant companion on company excursions than, say, several months ago.
• Has submitted her application for company Task Manager. On our company excursion last week, she had N.Lo and I packed, in the car, and on the road by 8:15 AM. No lie. “Let’s get the purses [bags]! I need to watch Nemo in the car! Manager put her shoes on, K.Lo put her shoes on. Okay. Bye dogs! See you soon!” I would not advise dragging one’s feet, with K.Lo in charge.
• Had a cold over the weekend, but possibly just a runny nose due to cutting another dreaded molar.
• Picked out a pair of pink shoes for next summer ($4 on clearance!) that are at least a size too big… but she wears them anyway.

• Plays a game where he slams/tosses a small object, such as a block, pencil, or Matchbox car, and waits for you to toss it back. He loves this game, and initiates it regularly.
• Is researching a new topic, Cause and Effect. Mainly, the Cause is, “throw food off the high chair,” and the Effect is, “dogs will eat the food.”
• Likes to test the aforementioned theory with green vegetables.
• Picks his nose and eats it.
• Is a creature of habit, for sure. He’s facing forward in his car seat now, mainly because The Manager feels like breaking the law. (We’re going on a company excursion later this week, and traveling is much easier this way.) However, so far he hates the new car seat, arches his back and tells The Manager, “Eh eh eh eh eh.” File that one in the Suggestion Box, buddy!
• Sort of placed one foot in front of the other while holding onto his walker, over the weekend.
• Loves to hear himself talk in the cavernous, echoing warehouse that is Costco.
• Finally drinks something other than milk: water! But still in a bottle.
• Ate a purple eraser today, from the top of a pencil.

K.Lo

• Received some dress-up costumes in the mail last week, but refuses to be photographed while wearing them. In lieu, you get the Wizard of Lo.Co.
• Wigged out, big time, before Preschool, Day 2, this morning. She was excited in theory, until she realized that we were really going. Then she turned white, her lip trembled, her eyes got big. It was enough to make any Manager slip a little something into the morning coffee, just to get through. I didn’t have to drag her kicking and screaming to the car or into the building, which surprised me. But then came the big hissy-fit. N.Lo and I practically bolted out of there, so as to not prolong the agony.
• When we picked her up, she looked a little upset, but then ran up to us saying, “HI, MANAGER!” And went on and on and on about all the cool things she did that day, including touching a turtle and a snake, and seeing an alligator. And learning about the triceratops. And eating lunch. She apparently ate one tiny corner of her sandwich, because she was told that her Manager would come after lunch, and then after the playground—so if you’re done eating your sandwich sooner, Manager will come sooner, right? Smart employee.
• Now says, intermittently, “Preschool! Managers always come back.” Like she’s reassuring herself that she won’t be permanently transferred to a new office.
• When asked to do something, says, “Just a second!” before getting to the requested action. I have no idea where she picked that up.
• Eats dinner with her coworker a little earlier these days, a schedule adjustment that evolved from an Un-Happy Hour Prevention Effort.
• Says about her coworker, “I love him.”
• Says to The Manager, “You’re a good girl. I love your hair. It’s so beautiful!”
• Sees the CEO as her sun and her moon.

N.Lo

• Loves to crawl around in that pile of pillows.
• Fell down those stairs last week for the first time. (You know there will be more.)
• Is currently teething. Will Tooth #8 appear soon?
• Doesn’t officially say any words, other than “book,” “Mama,” and “Dada,” but sometimes I swear he does say things. Like “Thank you,” when I put food on his tray. And, “I love you,” when the CEO leaves for his Other Job. It’s true! Okay, maybe not, but the sounds and intonation come out just right for the situation, sometimes.
• Is very steady on his feet when leaning against the table. But doesn’t like to be held up to pretend-walk, just yet. He worms his hands from yours and crawls away to his destination.
• Will still be drinking from a bottle when he’s 12, possibly.
• Still sucks those two middle fingers at night. And occasionally now during diaper changes, to calm himself.
• Looks up to his coworker, always intent on her current projects.
• But, will not be shuffled off into a corner. He speaks up at meetings when he has something to say.

N.Lo has a few more tricks up his sleeve that I forgot to mention yesterday.

• He loathes diaper changes. Possibly because at the moment, he has bad diaper rash (I hate it!). But even without a rash, he really can’t abide the whole procedure, including clothes changing. Lately, we’ve been getting through it with a selection of The Manager’s Greatest Hits (and I use this term very loosely), which includes “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.” He can listen to my crappy rendition approximately 1,000 times.
• I noticed that he can clap and does so to music, but so far only to “Dancing Queen,” which just cracks me up. I guess the whole company thinks this song is fun.
• He is starting to get a little bit pickier about food, just a touch. When he’s *done* with whatever food, he full-on slams his palms onto the high-chair tray. It’s best to wear one’s raincoat in the face of these shenanigans.

NICKeLOdeon:

• Yesterday, conquered the stairs. We only have 3, and they are brick, so we have to be especially careful from now on, but he’s made it to the top! Cue Rocky theme.
• Laughs a lot, yes, but I should mention that it’s a mad-scientist laugh. Full-on cackling, really. He entertains himself.
• Is just starting to figure out the sippy cup, sort of. Not really. Bangs it around a lot and juice drips everywhere.
• Pilfered crayons from the pile the other day and haphazardly marked up the coloring book, mimicking his coworker. Quite cute.
• Thrilled that he knows the word “book,” says it every time he sees one and smiles big.
• When reaching top crawling speeds, sways head from side to side, as though it will propel him forward faster. Like he’s on a mission.
• Is one-on-one training with coworker to say certain words, such as “keys.” Can you say keys? Keys. Keys. That’s right, very good! (He doesn’t actually say it, just looks at K.Lo with a deeply puzzled expression, but the lesson itself is fun to witness.)

K.Lo:

*Screaming and running away from N.Lo, hiding behind Managements’ legs.

*Sleeping in the big-girl bed, as opposed to the air mattress on the floor next to the big-girl bed (don’t ask, I have no logical answer).

*Learning to use scissors. Learning not to run with, wave around, or point out facial features with scissors.

*Rubber stamping with alphabet set furnished by m. Likes to say, “I found a T!” Or whatever letter she has just stamped.

*Making “beds” for small stuffed animals, tucking them in, giving them another stuffed animal to hold, as well as a book.

*Carrying around a small ceramic replica of Bender, which she has dropped once, causing her to lose a foot (ironic considering Bender’s surgery earlier this year). “Baby Bender” lives in the highest tower of the Fairy Princess Castle.

N.Lo:

*Popping up between Managements’ legs when they’re resting on a coffee table. Smiles big and laughs, as though saying, “Peek-a-boo.”

*Saying “block.” Or is it “book?”

*THROWING! Balls, blocks, books, anything that will fly. Learned with assistance from not-so-wise Manager.

*Standing up by the glass doors, looking out on the world.

N.Lo:

• Laughs a lot. To himself, with others, in response to funny things but most often at nothing in particular. He squeals, chuckles, and half-screams. It’s enough to make even the poutiest person laugh, too.
• Still eats a lot, pounds the “bar” for better, faster, and more service. Keep it coming!
• Sleeps best (and longest) when wearing fall/winter pajamas, i.e. all bundled up. Which I thought might be a problem with all of our summer pajamas still out, until I discovered the fascinating inventions of blankets and socks. Genius.
• Calls for The Manager in varying tones of, “Ma.” We have the pitiful “Ma-ma,” the happy-to-see-you “Ma-ma!” and the talking-to-himself, absentminded “Ma-ma. Ma-ma.” Oh, and let’s not forget the angry “MA!”
• Also recognizes the CEO with “Da-da,” like a statement, along with a big smile.
• Learned from the CEO yesterday how to push around Matchbox cars and make a sort-of vroom sound to go along with it. Impressive!
• Sometimes cramps K.Lo’s style with his mere presence, to which she says, “N.Lo wants to go down for a nap.”
• Talks to self in crib upon waking, already standing when you walk in the door.
• Sleeps with a teddy bear, although I’ve not sure in what capacity. The bear is in the corner of the crib when he goes down to sleep, and is always near his blanket by the time he’s awake. Maybe the bear is his conversational partner?
• Unlike his coworker, has no fear of the vacuum cleaner or thunderstorms.
• Does not like to be left behind in a room. Gets very insulted.
• Mimics the popping sound a person can make when opening and closing his mouth.
• Has 4 teeth on the bottom, 2 or 3 on the top.
• Still has the slightly vexing eczema on his cheeks.
• Still wants nothing to do with sippy cups, no matter what the type. Has already been warned by Management: After one year with the company, no more bottles!
• Is generally a delight to have around our office, and Management is astounded with not only his progress these past 10 months but also the very fact that 10 months has passed. The DOH Anniversary is coming up all too quick. Better get cracking on that wish list!

N.Lo's Recent Projects:

(Possibly?) addressing the CEO and Manager separately.

Crawling all over this office as though on a mission.

Standing! for a few seconds at a time. In a "Look, Manager, no hands!" kind of way.

Cutting two more bottom teeth--aren't there supposed to be two more on top first? Well, he won't exactly let The Manager check it out, so for all I know, he could have the top four.

Taking breaks with a blankie--absolutely essential to high productivity on the Night Shift as well. Clutching said material is apparently a stress reliever, in the world of N.Lo.

And today, for Something Different, the New Hire took a bath in the kitchen sink. K.Lo assisted with washing her coworker, and I invite you to view this charming video, so long as you don't laugh at the end. I mean it. It's not nice to mock the two-year employees.

K.Lo:

While The Manager Was Out

Progress Report

TO: The CEO

FROM: The Manager

RE: Your Employees

Your employees:

-were positively, almost frighteningly angelic at a recent company excursion to Costco. They sat next to each other in the cart without fidgeting or fussing the entire trip. K.Lo kept her arm around N.Lo, gave him the occasional kiss on the head, and informed fellow shoppers, "This is N.Lo. He's cute." I seem to have lost the contact information for the Employee Rental Shop where I found these two model employees, but if I manage to locate it, I'll be sure to place another order soon.

-could possibly use more baths.

K.Lo:

-refers to running errands as "running the Karens."

-remains on the "Assistant to The Manager" track by keeping her coworker in office supplies. She selects a toy, brings it to N.Lo, says "Here, N.Lo," and continues her own project, barely breaking stride.

-has become highly motivated in training sessions to learn everything she possibly can about the business. She now asks, "What's that," or "Who's that," followed by, "Oh," or "Okay!" when given an explanation.

-refers to Bailey by her nickname, "Bail," and also attempts to whistle when summoning the Canine Staff. She says, in a high-pitched voice, "Hoo hoo!"

-calls N.Lo sometimes by one of his own nicknames, "Nicolai."

-mashed a blueberry in her hair this morning, accidentally, though it was several minutes before The Manager noticed.

N.Lo:

-likes to inspect office supplies thoroughly, and figures them out remarkably fast.

-enjoys office supplies provided by the Kitchen Staff, such as plastic bowls and measuring cups.

-as an employee can be very serious, as well as very quiet.

-has a favorite joke, however, which is when The Manager asks him if he can say "Ma-Ma." Makes him laugh every time.

-has begun to say "Da-Da," though not yet directly to the CEO.

-is working on his two top teeth.

-is being pushed out of the New Hire's Nest, more quickly than The Manager had planned, by K.Lo, who shares her food in the cafeteria when the Kitchen Staff isn't looking. She puts blueberries on his tray, and he (apparently) handles them just fine.

-has also tried small bites of cracker, cheese, and strawberry.

-rarely sits still anymore when training with The Manager, but often amuses himself by blowing loud raspberries on The Manager's leg.

-had maple syrup in his hair for two days as a result of the aforementioned Costco trip and a sample pancake given to K.Lo.

Progress Report

TO: The CEO

K.Lo has been:
*fascinated by old movies/shows with monkey people in them. Planet of the Apes, the really bad version of King Kong. Her eyes get big as she talks about what the monkeys are doing.
*training with the Laundry Fairy and demonstrating great skill and enthusiasm. She assists mainly with the dryer, shoves all the wet clothes in and closes the door, then pushes the button to start the load.
*fine-tuning her schmoozing efforts with The Manager. The other day while leaning over to fix K.Lo's hair, K.Lo reaches up and pats my belly, saying, "You got a baby in there?" Needless to say, the schmoozing needs a little work.
*wisely cease-and-desisting from her Kung Fu Twoville Training. On our company excursion early last week, K.Lo showcased her karate-chopping abilities when The Manager advised that it was time to leave by shouting, "NO," and bopping The Manager in the face. K.Lo was promptly whisked from the building, silently marched three blocks to the company car, and then chewed out by her boss, who spoke in a very scary whisper-yell. Privileges were revoked, tears shed, and Twoville Martial Arts have not been utilized since. Management hopes to heaven the employee is smart enough to have given up Twoville Physical Education for good.
*training with The Manager to temper her Four-Alarm Emergency Voice. K.Lo tends to submit initial requests for assistance and supplies in the FAEV, which quickly raises The Manager's blood pressure. In response, The Manager speaks in a Voice of Utmost Calm, and prompts K.Lo to repeat her request in said VOUC. And we do it Every. Single. Time. One of these days, The Manager is determined, the process is going to sink in.
*a little outraged that even when she does ask nicely, her request may not be approved by Management: "I said please!"
*staging long dialogues with herself in which she tells herself (we think) what happened that day. Bits and pieces of Employee-Management dialogue is often heard, including rants regarding disciplinary action, as well as the curious refrain, "My Manager says..." Except that it's hard to discern what she thinks her Manager says. I am dying to know.
*requesting "pressy," or "privacy" at times while using the Employee Rest Room. She means "close the door, please." I tried this on a whim sometime during the Work Week, hoping it would help assist her with business (no luck yet), and then of course it took a few days to click on what she meant by "pressy."
*unbeknownst to The Manager, allowing the CEO to brush her teeth at night. When The Manager approaches her in the morning, one would assume The Manager was holding a chainsaw rather than a toothbrush, and so has allowed K.Lo to brush her own teeth. For months now! At least Management is able to assist with the job once a day, I suppose.
*attached to her nail clippings and gets a little mad when The Manager throws them in the garbage instead of returning them to the employee. We hope she's not one of those people who collects them in a Ziploc bag later in her career.
*requesting (in the FAEV) to wear the color PINK every time we change her uniform.
*telling The Canine Staff on occasion in the sweetest voice, "I love you, Bailey!" or "I love you, Bender!" And it warms The Manager's heart.




N.Lo has been:
*sucking (still) on those fingers, despite fully losing his nail. The Manager views this habit as a positive way to combat work-related stress, and therefore approves.
*enjoying the company pool out on the grounds, on those days when the water warms up to bath temperature. The pool is just the right depth to create a "walker" out of his float.
*racking up his tab with the Accounting and Finances Department using those windmill arms. Last week, he knocked the formula can clean out of the Kitchen Staff worker's hands, and luckily, the thing was almost empty.
*stealthily trying to thief his coworker's cereal bowl right off her desk in the morning.
*increasing his dexterity and muscle strength and can about hold the bottle entirely unassisted.
*working still on those two first teeth, chomping down hard on the spoon while dining in the cafeteria.
*getting the hang of standard issue plastic teethers, as well as frozen washcloths.
*sitting and "standing" (with assistance) at the Leapfrog Musical Work Station, logging several long and productive blocks of time there.
*adhering to a fairly predictable workday shedule with two naps, four bottles, and three attempts at solid food. Clocks onto the Night Shift around 7 or 7:30 PM.
*propelling forward while sitting in The Manager's lap so that he is on his belly, where he "swims" frantically. The Manager wonders how long she has before issuing an all-company alert re: New Employee Mobility.

PROGRESS REPORT

It's time for another irregularly scheduled progress report, an updated look at our employees' current endeavors.

K.Lo:
*sings into a pickle microphone.
*is very interested in the CEO's real guitar, likes to strum it herself, or bring out her step-stool and dance.
*says, "Come back!" to anyone and anything that has fallen out of her reach.
*says, "Poor N.Lo," when her coworker is sad.
*takes very seriously the task of putting stickers on her shirt.
*calls herself "a princess" whenever she puts on a dress; looks quite pleased about it.
*still talks a lot about using the Employee Rest Room, but remains freaked out about sitting on the potty.
*complains about having her hair put up into pigtails or a ponytail, but will allow it!
*enjoys the motivational training videos called "Annie," "Shark Tale," "Curious George," and "Finding Nemo."
*seems to think N.Lo can save her from the Tickle Monster, appeals to him for help.
*has been training more intensely on the all-important skill of putting things back where you got them from.
*tests her limits with Management with responses such as, "No way!" to certain requests (and is of course put right back in her little two-year employee place).
*still visits the Twoville offices occasionally, but her time at our office is longer and longer all the time.
*has slept better since the scary green eye left her night-time workspace.
*plays "sleepy" indoors and outdoors, all she needs is a blanket or towel and a place to lay down.
*seems to have gotten taller in the last week.
*says, "Thank you for coming," and/or "Thanks for having me" when leaving company conferences.



N.Lo
*can sit up unaided for approximately 3 seconds before toppling over like a Weeble-Wobble, except that he does fall down.
*is discovering his toes.
*rolls from front to back and then gets mad because he can't quite turn back the other way.
*continues to break the rules on breaks and the Night Shift.
*grosses out the CEO (to The Manager's amusement) with his gallons of spit-up
*draws more and more commentary that he seems to be an "old soul."
*sometimes complies with The Manager's decree for simultaneous Afternoon Breaks, but sometimes does not.
*eats rice cereal every day, and has also tried sweet potatoes and blueberry applesauce.
*eats up most of said food without complaint.
*now poops every day, like a normal new-hire.

These days, N.Lo
*flaps arms and legs wildly, could possibly flag down small aircraft.
*brings hands together when lying on back.
*grabs at objects in front of him, including toys, dinner plates, locks of hair.
*unintentionally teases his coworker by grabbing her face and shirt.
*loves to work while lying on his tummy.
*likes small, light rattles and the O-ball on his desk.
*squeals at own workplace successes, and to Be Heard.
*prefers the company of a small blankie on Morning and Afternoon Breaks.
*refuses to clock out for break at the same time as his coworker.
*mainly prefers the 3rd and 4th digits to a pacifier.
*enjoys sitting with The Manager or CEO at company meals.
*turns his head toward Management's and colleagues' voices.
*quiets down at the sight of the sling.
*has rolled from front to back exactly once, more than likely was an accident.
*is ticklish under his arms and chin.

These days, K.Lo

Night Shift Progress Report: Our offices procured the white noise machine on Friday, facilitating an official merge of Night Shift workspaces. N.Lo now works at the desk next to K.Lo's, with the barrier on his desk partially removed so they can wave to each other while working.

I am tentatively pleased to report that work productivity since the merger has been remarkably high. Both employees have stayed at their desks, working more or less for the entire shift, and requesting little or no supervision. The CEO and I are most proud of our employees, particularly K.Lo, for this accomplishment, and can only hope, wish, dream, and pray that productivity will continue to be so high in the nights to come. Until this point, The Lo. Co. has experienced only short bouts of consistent Night Shift productivity, only to have this happy little bubble burst.